How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
