those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
