I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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