it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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