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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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