dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
