I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize