So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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