my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.