don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
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Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
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She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.