i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...