someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
