It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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