every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
