You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.