I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm like, not good at living.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
