two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.