Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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