yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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