____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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