I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
