My pussy is not your playground.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
