just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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