four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
