I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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