We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
