How is your vagina???
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed