Texts From Last Night

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  (323): View more from California

  I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.

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  (323): I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now. http://tfl.nu/r6w8
  Replies (2) Good night (710) Bad night (977)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.

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  (732): i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping. http://tfl.nu/thkh
  Replies (10) Good night (3519) Bad night (627)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"

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  (401): I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes" http://tfl.nu/jvdp
  Replies (14) Good night (4990) Bad night (782)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.

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  (571): the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans. http://tfl.nu/yvak
  Replies (48) Good night (6728) Bad night (1163)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.

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  (513): i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom. http://tfl.nu/yu7b
  Replies (23) Good night (7133) Bad night (1291)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.

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  (404): She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more. http://tfl.nu/sgvu
  Replies (12) Good night (4930) Bad night (1486)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"

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  (702): So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this" http://tfl.nu/lsrz
  Replies (17) Good night (4350) Bad night (1686)
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  (415): View more from California

  Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point

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  (415): Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point http://tfl.nu/8yzz
  Replies (2) Good night (1339) Bad night (1245)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.

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  (407): Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room. http://tfl.nu/hh2a
  Replies (6) Good night (2788) Bad night (1022)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you

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  (816): i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you http://tfl.nu/on8e
  Replies (2) Good night (1933) Bad night (631)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.

  (1-412): View more from Pennsylvania

  You almost married that.

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  (412): Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower. (1-412): You almost married that. http://tfl.nu/nlo1
  Replies (7) Good night (2594) Bad night (1022)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink

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  (586): I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink http://tfl.nu/rj3c
  Replies (3) Good night (443) Bad night (665)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway

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  (602): A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway http://tfl.nu/aupy
  Replies (0) Good night (600) Bad night (323)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY

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  (717): WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY http://tfl.nu/nywf
  Replies (2) Good night (679) Bad night (372)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.

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  (304): I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up. http://tfl.nu/80fv
  Replies (4) Good night (438) Bad night (323)

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