I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic