i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George