Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
