i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
