I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize