I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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