Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
