do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
