forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
