Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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