Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
