I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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