I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
