I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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