his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
