I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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