You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I need a beard to bite.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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