The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
