I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
