There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize