Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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