worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
