Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
