Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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