Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
