i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
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All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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