So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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