i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
40s are totally the cure
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
