he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
