So drunk its hurt
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
