I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
