I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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