he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
