You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
