her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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