everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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