went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have aggressive nipples.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
