At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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