Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
