Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
These tits shall not be calmed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
