and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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