went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
