I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
