Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
