I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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