It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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