i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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