I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
