I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
