We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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