I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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