one two three fourrrrnication!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
