Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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