I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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