im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
