i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
