if you like me you must not know who I am
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
