I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You're a waste of cheezeits
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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