party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and she was petting her beer can
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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