My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
