i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
