eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
