4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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