Its about making memories worth repressing
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
